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zondag 20 december 2009


As a child I adored Christmas. I really believed in the magic of Christmas. In fact I am still convinced that I did hear the sleigh bells one Christmas eve when I stayed awake to see if I could catch a glimpse of Santa!

In my adult life I still search for that `Christmas feeling´ but I have never quite been able to re-capture it. I have tried all sorts of things to try and find that feeling...staying at home and doing the whole 'gifts under the tree, Christmas stockings and turkey dinner' thing, but although my Dutch family humor me they don't really get into it. We even went to Florida one Christmas to see if Disney World could conjure up that magical feeling for me – but of course I didn't find it there either. That probably had something to do with the all the palm trees and the sunny warm December weather!

The first Christmas I spent as a single was without my kids. They were going to be with me for New Year so it was only fair that they be with their father for Christmas. So what was I going to do for Christmas? I didn't want to play the pathetic lonely single at Christmas and go pleading to some happy family to take me in. At this time of year, you know that everyone has plans and all my friend assumed that I would have plans too. As my family all live too far away to visit, I decided it was time to be a big girl, to grow up and stop chasing this dream of Christmas that only exists in my childhood memories. I wouldn't make plans and if no great invitations arrived I'd spend Christmas on my own.

I reckoned that if I snuggled up in front of the fire with a bottle of good wine, a good book and a basket load of comfort food then I'd be just fine.

I'm sure you've guessed that I wasn't fine! My comfort food didn't do the trick and I drank the whole bottle of wine and the book wasn't good enough to distract me from how sorry for myself I was feeling! 364 days a year I'm fine on my own. I am quite happy with my own company usually. But on Christmas day I want to be with other people. The fact that almost everybody you know is enjoying the company of friends and loved ones makes you feel very lonely. What a fool I was to think I'd spend Christmas on my own rather than inviting myself to any number of friends who would have taken me in gladly. Hopefully that was the last Christmas I'll have to spend on my own.

One good thing has come of it. I am no longer disappointed that Christmas doesn't live up to the idea I had of what Christmas should be. My definition of a good Christmas has changed. I always make sure that I'm with the kids or friends and I really appreciate the company. Although I do now enjoy Christmas as it comes I still always make the effort to make it special. I guess I don't need the magic anymore so I must have grown up a little, but I must admit I'm still a sucker for the idea of a traditional, romantic white Christmas with all the trimmings.

geplaatst door Eve - 5591 keer gelezen

beoordeeld 3.57/5 (7 Stemmen)

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